just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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