he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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