If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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