i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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