FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
