I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
