Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
