I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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