so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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