i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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