my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i came on her dog
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
