It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I am one with the molecules
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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