i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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