he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
