You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
