I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
