She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Randomize
