Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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