awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
