i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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