How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
