We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
