why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
No more Irish car bombs ever.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
