I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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