We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
