does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
