so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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