I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
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