Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
