Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
