His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
