hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
