I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize