They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
