She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
