i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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