I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize