I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
