i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
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