her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
