dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize