no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
