How'd it feel making her break her religion?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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