SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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