i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
