I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
