I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
People with herpes should wear stickers.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
