My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
