So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
