The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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