oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
A bitchslap is in order.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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