I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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