apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
