So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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