Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
