this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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