Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
