I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
